...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
