Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
