Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize
