I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
