cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
