You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
