Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
