So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
