end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
