Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
