Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
