Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
