Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
