I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
