just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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