I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
