I CAN MOONWALK!
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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