I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
