yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize