Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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