you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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