In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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