he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize