i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
