is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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