Soap is not a condiment
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize