I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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