Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Randomize