Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
