roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
