hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
