i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
