You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
