she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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