I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Randomize
