What did we do last night that was yellow?
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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