you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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