My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
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