Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
