moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
