i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
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