omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Randomize
