Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
