Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
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