it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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