once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
You know, be my cock's hype man.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
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