i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Randomize
