I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
