saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize