It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
