Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
