I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
