I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
