Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
