she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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