It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
