I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
