Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize
