So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
