Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
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