I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
