i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
