So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
