The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
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