i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize