Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize