saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
