She is in my trunk
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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